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The Challenge

Growing up the saying was “Opposites attract” now in New Age thought it’s all about “The Law of Attraction”.

Karma has never been a stranger “what goes around comes around”, “an eye for an eye”.

June 1, 2018, I decided to take part in a challenge with Tina Bailey. What appears to be a project for one aspect of life is proving direct correlation to something deeper than the physical.

Two words have been weighing heavy in my Spirit this season, Surrender and Release.

11 Days remain in this month’s challenge and I have some serious work to do. If it’s opposites attract, I pray that it’s everything above me. A higher state than my current position. If it’s The Law of Attraction may it bring a Spirit that desires Greatness and Growth. Finding all those old journals shows my soul has been desiring this life and purpose for decades.

If it’s karma may it bring around every good deed sown, every kind word shared, every scar healed and every ounce of consideration granted. If it’s an eye for an eye may it see my intentions over my intent and understand I couldn’t see for being blinded by pain, anger and unidentifiable fears.

The Challenge for June appeared during a time when I was re-visiting a reoccurring pain. The initial exercise of this challenge shifted the atmosphere and appearance of my surroundings. The following days have aided to the surrender and release. I am not sure what the remaining 11 days will hold, and in life I am not sure what “rules” are true, I just know this challenge is changing my home and working on my heart, and the effects are a rippling good.


Speak Life

On 5/22/ 2018 I wrote and shared with a few

“ We can see a Millionaire jump off a bridge and fail to see or know why they jumped because we are always so consumed with what everybody IS DOING, we never care to know HOW THEY ARE DOING?”

Heart and Mind – the balance, it is up to us to be honest with how we are doing, as well as be our brother’s keeper to know how others are doing

It is our job

A thought added 6/5/2018 after “hearing” about Kate Spades’ death

while money is needed by so many, it fixes our bills and wants : It doesn’t heal our hearts and minds

This morning on the 6:30 AM prayer call, we were instructed to Speak Life based on Proverbs 12:25.

It’s our job to know how others are doing and we can excel at that job when we speak words that build and not tear down.

You don’t get along with a Soul

“The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends.” – Proverbs 14:20 (KJV)

Recently in the news there was a case of a 30 year old man being ruled by a judge to move out of his parent’s house. My only knowledge of this case are the headlines, I refuse to read or listen to the full details because I am 42 years old and I have lived with my parents 37 of those 42 years. And I am sure if it wasn’t for my 3 kids, most likely I would have been evicted from here too.

The two times I aimed to live on my own, it resulted in eviction. I have only held two jobs that lasted longer than a year with both jobs ending due to the business’ closing. I spent 15 years getting my Bachelor’s Degree. I have lost several jobs for various reasons and I’ve had a lot of jobs; and even now as I apply for numerous positions the answer is always, “unfortunately we can not proceed with your applications at this time”. A job I acquired March 2017 went out of business 3 weeks after opening. And in the same perspective of not keeping a job, I usually end up not being liked by people as well. While I am loved by many, I am hated by most and this has also been a hindering factor to much. I have been accused of thinking I am better than others, and so much more. I have a very low tolerance for liars, people who talk bad about me, people who feel the need to test me, and people who talk “out the side of their neck”. I don’t speak up every time something is said or done, but I don’t back down as easily as many think I would either. My kindness is almost always mistaken for weakness, and overall for many I am just a hard pill to swallow.

At home I am that poor hated by his neighbors who is shown very little respect especially amongst my immediate family. It creates a very hostile living environment and much family tension that spills over beyond just our household. My children and I spend the majority of our time in our rooms and while its a choice to be here, for me my back is against the wall. In the “community” I am shunned because I don’t have this or that. And to many I am the problem of everything that is wrong.

I know Me, and know my ways well, I am never in denial about where I play my part, nor do I aim to make excuses or place blame.

I shared everything to say this the odds have been stacked high in my direction, and my choices have created a mess beyond measure. And while I may not have the things that constitute being a Real adult in this world, I have emotions, I have dreams, I have goals, desires and an understanding that makes me a “breathe of fresh air”. (As I have heard this statement four times when I do share my perspectives with others. Profound has been used in reference to me or something I stated a couple of times also). I have a vision, and I have gift to be shared with the world. and I know I strive for a Love, Peace, Soul, Happiness, Unity, and Blessings that are out of this world. And this concept is so hard to grasp for myself at times because in-spite of all of the mess, this vision that I hold for 2Morrow Is Our FUTURE is a passion that wont die.

At home I am the poor who is hated by his neighbors and may deserve an eviction based on my age alone, and while I have much pain and anger about a lot that is happening around me, within me, and in this world, I will continue to seek and create that chance or opportunity that will change my world as well as the world we live in.

As stated to me today at home “Niki, You don’t get along with a Soul”, I am grateful to know this poor soul has made great contributions to many around me and although I may not be appreciated at home by my neighbors, I am appreciated by many and I will use everything in me to be a Great voice of Change. I don’t have to get along with Soul to share the best of mine.

Reflections 4/8/2018

Working on post for 5/14/2018- I had no idea this post from 4/8/2018 didn’t publish- Happy Monday WordPress- Thank You for your platform to share

My last post was 2/28/2018- Emotions from Death’s Blows

Since then I have experienced death’s presence so much, I now know to accept it as a Transition and I no longer see death as a sadness to hold.

My method for pain has always been to shut down, medicate, and let the chips fall where they may. Secretly holing the pain.

Living NC over these past 8 years, mining my roots, has brought so many moments , I am overwhelmed with emotions at times seeing the Power of Mind reveal forcing me to face much.

Since 2/28/2018 our family has now buried four relatives. I live in a small town that has experienced 6 fatal shootings in 12 days. It’s the 50th Anniversary of Dr. King’s assassination, and almost EVERY report of News be it local, state, national or international, death is truly making her presence felt in these 98 days of 2018. And I find it amazing how all this death has happened during Lenten season , a reflection of one of the most questionable deaths in this Universe’s History.

One Sunday morning , this question was the subject of message “What is Mine to do?”

And as that question resonated within “What is Mine to do?”

My moments of reflecting delivered this, death of any kind physical or mental can be a time of healing, as it has bought many “roots to visit” to heal, and this healing when experienced is something Love has over pain, because on love has the ability to provide healing at the roots.

So on April 8, 2018 after the burial of a famIly elder,and a Eulogy by Gracie Perry which was one of the 1st Minister’s I heard preach a sermon about ” Being Perfect”, to hear her preach Trust yesterday, and this is our second encounter in 8 years Hallelujah!!!

Late December, I met Reverend Curtis Gatewood ministering my Cousin’s Eulogy, he was 29. From this Experience of Trusting I moved into a new height with social justice.

My One Word for 2018: Trust

Today I write knowing and trusting to hold the moments of every transition, Bless the Healing they can bring and embrace the change they demand.

Knowing OF but not Knowing

Life often warns to never take people or moments for granted, and a couple of weeks ago, a moment revealed just how often I do.

My house is always filled with people, especially on Sundays, visitors stopping by in route North or South. Friends after school, we have just always been that family where every one visits. It was the same at my maternal grandparents house as well.

I am now 42 years old, and this aspect has not changed.

Two weeks ago a family friend from up North came to visit, and this time something new happened. I actually Talked to him and I included me in the conversation. He has been acquainted with our family for over 25 years and I had no idea he was Writer, and avid reader. And he didn’t know about my works either.

Since my move to NC, I have been published twice in County Lines: A Literary Journal Volumes 1 and 5, I was one of 4 lead actresses in a Play, and I have placed Honorable Mention in a Photography Contest with one of our Triangle Magazines. And although I have written about these accomplishments I rarely mention them with family or friends. I have posted these accomplishments on Facebook but I will not mention them if I was to see you in person. And although I have several reasons why I choose to do this, here’s some thing we made clear during our conversations, stop taking for granted people know things about you, especially the good things and your passions. YOU have to promote yourself.

In the world of social media I say “I post one thing making a phone call to 500”, taking for granted everyone may answer ( see it). If my desire is to be a writer and change the world with my words, add perspectives with my voice, then I have to be confident to speak outside my Writer’s Group.

I find so many social media platforms comforting to share my thoughts and ideas, however, I have to open up and stop assuming my family and friends wouldn’t welcome my thoughts or ideas in the same comfort. Earlier in April a Cousin from Jersey shared my accomplishments with family, and to my surprise it was well received.

The Sunday before our Family friend left to go back home, we went for a ride to one of my favorite spots. I live in a small town that’s surrounded by the Lake which I often call my Sanctuary. My parents moved to NC ten years ago, and he has visited with them several times in those years, he looked at the lake in joy and said “Wow, this is beautiful, next time I am bringing my fishing gear and I had no idea this was this close to your house”. His entire visit helped me to see we can spend many years Knowing of but not Knowing.

Emotions from Death’s Blow 2/28/2018

I hear about people dying everyday

But the awareness of death didn’t prepare me

For this turn to mourn

And during this moment I am forced to grasp just like everything else in Life there’s levels to death’s blows as well

Death’s presence has sent many emotions

And nothing seems to soothe this loss

Death has thrown a powerful blow

And I am really wondering will we make it through this loss?

There are so many times you played the comforter

Or the previous impacts we were able to make it through

But the awareness of death and its many visits

Never prepared the day when the one who needs the comforting is you!

This time I am going to sit with the pain and loss

Hoping In the days ahead, I will be stronger for Us All

Knowing nothing can prepare me for the next time when death will blow again


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