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Life and All its Obstacles

January 20, 2016

Written and shared January 20, 2016 (some how it was saved as a draft, then deleted and now restored)

This morning I could hear the words of a speaker on TV saying “God enables us, and moves us.”

Not sure if it was the same speaker or not, but I later heard the words ” We have to go out into the world to share God’s message, separating ourselves from the world does not allow others to see Him.”

This was one of those moments where I could hear what was being said but couldn’t awaken my eyes to see who was saying it.

I have wrote about my feelings of wrestling with worthiness, I do not go out as much as I know I need to, and then yesterday I received some news I am not having the best of time processing and it surely makes me want to hide. I know that through life and in all its obstacles, I have too push that much harder to be a voice of God’s goodness, Peace, and Love. In other words keep writing and sharing as I was before I got the news. If not more. Refusing to let this silence me.

Today I have chosen that my Life maybe one of the ugliest examples out there if I were to fully disclose the many details that are so far from the reflection of God’s goodness but if I run in a corner and hide what good will that do? Especially when I know God’s goodness is the reason I smile, write and think of the things I do.

Exactly one day after my oldest daughter’s 21st birthday, I am facing another unpleasant obstacle of Life and it hurts seeing how past mistakes will haunt you and can drive you to shame, embarrassment, and rage.

This morning once I fully awaken, I prayed to God with many tears in my eyes confessing that if I am awake you are not finish with me yet. But to be in this predicament knowing that the lack of love for self has got me here I could only wish that in Life and in all it’s obstacles I had only fully Lived in God’s love for me and thus true Love of self sooner. Yes I have been confessing God’s goodness and my Love for him for a decade but I have wrestled much during this time and only in these last few years(3-5) have I begun to grasp how to Live it, living the progress daily.

So today as I face myself, and the world please know this if my words about the Love of God may seem vain because maybe it may come across that I haven’t dealt with this or that, please know that in my Life and in all it’s obstacles I have faced this, that and them some. With a mindfulness that I still may have to face more and worse, although I deeply and sincerely pray that I never do.

Whatever obstacles my future may hold I know who holds my Future and I will continue to put my Faith, Trust, and Belief in the God above knowing all things work together for his good. I vow to stay committed to His Word and the work He has placed in me.

I know and understand many are facing worse than what I am upset about, however I desire good health, and every time I see myself celebrating “perfect” health something else appears. And for me this is the worse I have had to face thus far. And although I haven’t made a full confession to what I am facing I will say I don’t like it and I write this as form of not hiding.


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