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Contradicting Character

Contradicting Character

The person whose late 95% of the time

Hates waiting

If something’s scheduled and I’m expected at certain time

Arriving late, what do they have to do for me ?

Part 2 of contradicting character

On my own I am 95% late

But will have the nerves to have major attitude if waiting on others makes me late

shouldn’ t I be mad at myself 95% percent of the time?

But I am not

Mad at others and everything often

Only mad at myself when I have to deal with others who make me mad

My lateness you need to excuse, me waiting , you need to get your shit together

Contradicting Character – smh

When that Spirit convicts can I handle it

Evil going to church – “Ms. Niki got to do better”

No ones perfect correct, but if time is up for everyone’s BS, then the clock is out on my own as well

Mistakes learn from them, bullshit bury it

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Evil and Hateful

I often write and address “The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and The Crazy” things and ways about myself

Yesterday I confessed to two other sides that appear Evil and Hateful, that mean area that appears where I can be dressing for Sunday School and my attitude and words reflect nothing of God.

Yesterday, I was confessing the Evil side and had to face the contradicting side as well.

Pastor said that’s The Holy Spirit convicting you, He’s not going to let you “ sit in that”

When I apologized and confessed to the kids this morning, they said “ Dang, Ma you roasted yourself!!”

No one is perfect, mistakes I will make them, staying the same is the test. Will I see my faults and aim to make them better or will I stay the same, contradicting in character?

Happy Thursday FB – “I will become what I talk about” on this journey I am work in progress with God, Good, Bad, Ugly, and Crazy, Who has sides that she wishes not to visit but Lord knows they are there.

Please know when that side appears it’s nothing I hide. She comes out very loud and full of “and what”. There is nothing sneaky or lying about this kid . This time when it appeared everything around me was like “Ms. Niki got to do better” – It’s really time for it to Come Out- Times Up!!

Times Up

Times Up

When surrounded by many who say things will never change and doubt speaks so much

I use MUCH of my time and energy to celebrate and appreciate ALL – past who got us this far; present- all things many take for granted but show how Blessed we are right now; All things “Evil and Ugly” that show the importance of how Work needs to continue and the fight is not over. Present – for all who speak and work now towards the Future.

When I truly learned the Power to speak and act pass the limits and harness EVERYTHING WITHIN to shift me further, I know no Dream is an illusion, and it’s up to me to make the ones I want to be “real a Reality”

May We Be Blessed to Live and Fulfill the ONLY 2 laws of God, Love Him with all our Heart, and Love thy neighbor.

I can testify for me, in all my faults and flaws, Living Life by these laws Daily to the best of my ability, has my actions and path aligned with things unfolding in my dreams and beyond.

2Morrow Is Our FUTURE unfolds every year deeper than what I had in mind. How I aimed to pursue this idea and what’s coming to fruition; put Change in God’s hand and live it in heart, And I promise Change and more is Real. But only when it’s in heart will you have the eyes and alignment to See it.

Speak only the things you want in life, build positive energy in soul and spirit, and the rest will follow to show. Only Spirit transformed changes the mind, and once Soul and Spirit is transformed to overrule and overrun mind will the rest follow. IT IS SO TIME TO BUILD SPIRITMAN 1st and all things will follow.

Trust, Faith, and Love – not pretending the days are easy or perfect but peace of mind and heart is WORTH IT –

Times Up on the BS from society and the “ish” we keep feeding to ourselves. Love God, Love thy neighbor – this is where all Justice starts. False prophets and fake churches are issues but fear of Truth and Change is what I see are the real problems.

Niki1k 1/7/2018 1:38 AM

12th Day of Christmas 2017

18 days remain in 2017 and I am proud to say this year held much Happiness, Growth and Greatness. And as the year closes, I experienced something a few days ago that made me ponder much, so today I write the final reflections of what I gained from Thursday- Wednesday.

In October, I branched out into a sector of employment I never considered professionally, in November, two pieces of my work was printed in the 5th Edition of “County Lines: A Literary Journal”, my kids are Happy, doing very well in school again and overall 2017 is closing as decent year.

However, Thursday surfaced some not so good run- ins that I have experienced in my past, and when I encounter run-ins such as these things, I allow them to bring out the worst in me. I was able to get help from my family to help smooth things over, and come showtime Friday, Everything on my end went perfect, even when a little fishy- ness came into play.

Whenever, I run into any obstacles with people, I wonder, am I really good person? where is this my fault? What could I have done to make this situation better? Or am I the author of chaos? I know I am truly a kind person UNTIL!!! Yet this Until, I have meet more times than I care too, especially in this particular “area”.

Thus, Friday’s situation upset me so much because I am so familiar with people lying and doing things out of spite towards me and not only does it hurt, but I am sick and tired of it? Like why is it so hard for people to just be honest and fair? Is it something in them that makes them feel that if they treat others well, they will die? And what is it with me and my fellow black women, that brings about this aura!!! As well as conflict in this “area”!!!

My dad witnessed the experience Friday, and the following morning he expressed two things to me “People hate to see other people do good” and “Niki you have to accept that some people will never give you the credit you deserve”. That same day I read an article in WebMD with Sharon Stone and she stated in the interview “People will find anything to have a reason to make you feel ‘less than.’ They don’t want you to pop up above the water level. But everybody should feel special and wonderful.”

During the evening on this same Saturday, a friend asked “what do I like academically, socially, professionally, philosophically?” as I expressed the reasons I believe I have yet to complete my goal of pursuing my masters. Some areas I had to ponder, however philosophically I could answer its’ the words of Ghandi ” Be the Change you want to see in the world”.

As have stated many times, I will never claim to be a perfect person, however I can say I am a really good person who strives to be better daily.

In most decisions I make and in most actions I take my mind questions such:

If God was to visit me right now what kind of Spirit would He tell me I possess, is it one of building or one of destroying?

Am I being as Fair as possible in every situation or does pride and ego control so much, I don’t bend for the bigger picture?

Do I seek to aggressively do good? Or am I doing just enough to get by?

Are my motives Pure?

I remember in the past a friend told me I was different, but I didn’t accept that too well when he expressed it to me. I became defensive and angry, and that conversation ended in silence because he did not want to argue. A few years later I apologized to Him and said “you are right, I am different but I couldn’t accept it when you told me back then!!”

Today on this 12th day of Christmas for 2017, I can celebrate my actions reflect my philosophy as I strive to live Ephesians 6:7 daily. While many have accused my kindness and thoughtfulness of having ulterior motives, I have to understand people will not always accept my kindness but be kind anyway. And stop allowing my other side to quickly respond in a manner that is just as bad as their treatment.

My gift I am giving on this 12th day of Christmas is a special me who aims to make everything and anyone she encounters special too.

Have a Blessed Holiday filled with Much Love, Peace, Soul, Happiness and Special- ness

Perfectionism: The Quest of Greatness Continues

Perfectionism: The Quest of Greatness Continues- was written August 14, 2017 as a submission for County Lines: A Literary Journal 2017 edition, Volume 5.  Since this piece was not selected. I am sharing it here.  I also shared in the previous post a Revised 2017 Version of the Original Piece “Perfectionism”.  “Perfectionism” was originally written in August 2013 and published in County Lines: A Literary Journal 2013 edition, Volume I.
I past shared in the original version of “Perfectionism” –  “Perfectionism- Blessing/Version/Vision- is The Greatness of God bringing out The Highest in Me to teach and be a part of Greatness for All who will receive” (County Lines, pg 37, 2013)
I now know I would share Greatness and not teach it
GREATNESS for 2017 IT IS – A theme birthed through me as I visioned the year and all I wanted it to be
Aiming to achieve this status in flesh

Has Leads to Failures and Missteps

Perfectionism is achieving the Love of God 

Being that example of Highest Self at all times 

The world says to be anything Perfect is impossible 

You are only Human

If you are not aiming to be on a stage 

What are you rising above too?

You are no better than Us

Us a – Human League -a status holding together longer than the band

Never have I claimed to be any more than 

Woman, made from man, human image of GOD

Therefore I know My Father is Within
In Perfectionism I am “my” Highest in all Possibilities of God

In Human I Struggle

In Spirit I Fly
Which would you prefer?

Perfectionism Defined 

or “Human League” a past “Dream Deferred” 
P.E.R.F.E.C.T.I.O.N.I.S.M
Purpose
Evolving 
Readily for 
Expansion of 
Compassion 
Trust 
Integrity
Openness 
Nature
Intuition 
Soul and 
Manifesting God’s Will on Earth
Perfectionism is the only Life I want to Live, Hoping I Live and Die in God’s will than to be a “Dream Deferred”.

Perfectionism

Written August 2013, Original Version Published in County Lines: A Literary Journal- Volume I 2013 edition

Revised September 2017

“Most people are so hard to please that if they met GOD they’d probably say. ‘Yes, she’s Great, but …” – Diana Ross

Perfectionism has its opposition. I reach for things that many are content with grasping from a TV, while I watch Many More go out their way to be with those stars just to count their every flaw.

Perfectionism is a Major Impossible in the eye of Flesh. It’s Vision/ Version of “better” that keeps Me Reaching, Diving, Striving, Determined, Destined to get there.

Where is There?

Perfectionism

I refuse to believe I am as bad as the quote above, I know in the smallest of things, I am worse than the quote above.  I AM Determined as I Strive for MY Blessings/Vision/Version of “Better” I motivate my Surroundings.

I PRAISE GOD for PROMPTING ME, ENCOURAGING ME, and EQUIPPING ME to Undertsand in Knowledge through HIS WORD not Only am I Good, EVERYTHING IS GOOD. He Reminds Me that I CAN WIN as long as I “Keep My Head to The Sky”

Perfectionism

Optimism 

Yes These Lines Do Cross

Humility to show that double for your trouble goes both ways

God’s Timing of Patience Hurts, but it wont Kill.

I count the time in Impatience 

Last hours of Church, Work, and School

“Read to Go”

I Thank God because although I am rushing to Go, 

“Zoom”

I’ve come to Love

 And I Am Ready to Manifest

Spirit provides the Lessons, Experience, and TEAMS. And Life has Provided EVERYTHING I NEED

In Flesh Perfectionism is Small and Controlling

In Spirit It Will Create a Greater Order

God is Calling US ALL to Live a Level of Greatness that I Know I am Shying away from

In Spirit/Blessings/ Vision/Version  of “BETTER” I want things Greater on ALL Levels Small and Big

Perfectionism/Spirit/Blessings/Vision/Version of BETTER is Greatness of GOD bringing out the HIGHEST in ME to Share and Teach being A Part in Greatness for ALL who will receive, including ME!!!!

August 6, 2017 

I remember in the movie “Parenthood” the Grandmother shared a story about the roller coaster. She shared this story during a time in the movie when things around her were in chaos.

Once again I spent the past two weeks editing everything written thus far on this site.  And I as completed the editing, viewing my past thoughts expressed, Life for me has definitely been spent on many of these roller coasters. I am amazed at myself and the thoughts that I have, the words and feelings I have expressed, knowing in some moments I could boldly define me, and in other moments I questioned much about my existence. Those low moments for me have created a doubt that’s been hard to shake and separate.

This past Tuesday I watched a sermon that explained how one can be “Everything and Nothing at the same time”.  “How you are loved and needed over here and despised over there.”

Wednesday I expressed some things about myself, that led to me being removed from a group.  Friday after reading the majority of my site, I decided to NEVER DOUBT MYSELF AGAIN. And although I have expressed MUCH about Courage, Confidence, and Trust, this time headed into another “new year” this up and down with doubt has got to decease. Have moments of second guessing yes; although it’s time for this too, to be cut down as well.  The second guessing may surface but Trust my instincts and my inner voice over much.  That internal piece of doubt that I thought was removed but I saw how it has resurfaced each year somewhere including this past March 2017, which was reminded to me by my only writing for March 2017, doubt has got to go.

Today Sunday, 8/6/2017 at 11:16 PM after the complete reading of my site no articles remaining to be reviewed.  I understand that Life can be a roller coaster, filled with Lows and Highs. Moments of High Speed and Slowing down. Coming to complete stops to enter and exit. I can be “Everything and Nothing at the same time”; but from this moment forward with every ounce of energy in my Being never look back, and KNOW that I am Love, Peace, Soul, and Happiness; and in these states and quality nothing about doubt has Life.

Happy Sunday The 8 Month of the year, 6 days in, day 216 of 365- Thank You that I AM BLESSED with the removal of doubt from this moment forward.  GREATNESS for 2017 IT IS -is the theme for this year and there are a 149 days that remain to Make It So.  I Believe and Live All the Positive I have written and shared on this site, Greatness is the final step in the making to BE MADE!!