Skip to content

Emotions from Death’s Blow 2/28/2018

I hear about people dying everyday

But the awareness of death didn’t prepare me

For this turn to mourn

And during this moment I am forced to grasp just like everything else in Life there’s levels to death’s blows as well

Death’s presence has sent many emotions

And nothing seems to soothe this loss

Death has thrown a powerful blow

And I am really wondering will we make it through this loss?

There are so many times you played the comforter

Or the previous impacts we were able make it through

But the awareness of death and its many visits

Never prepared the day when the one who needs the comforting is you!

This time I am going to sit with the pain and loss

Hoping In the days ahead, I will be stronger for Us All

Knowing nothing can prepare me for the next time when death will blow again



— Read on



Happy Tuesday, while increasing in maturity,as I aim to do more, be more and give more. I pray that in my days thus far I have done something to help make your life better in some capacity.

In this 2018 celebration of Black History with an emphasis during this month because I salute Black History 365, I realize we celebrate the many names of history because of what they gave in their doing.

Not saying I have accomplished things as great as the names I share, just realizing we all have something to give in our doing, so today I pray that in my doing thus far I have given you something.

May we embrace our greatness within in our own uniqueness to create more greatness without 24/7/365. There is a possibility we can be the first at something for someone including ourselves.

Contradicting Character

Contradicting Character

The person whose late 95% of the time

Hates waiting

If something’s scheduled and I’m expected at certain time

Arriving late, what do they have to do for me ?

Part 2 of contradicting character

On my own I am 95% late

But will have the nerves to have major attitude if waiting on others makes me late

shouldn’ t I be mad at myself 95% percent of the time?

But I am not

Mad at others and everything often

Only mad at myself when I have to deal with others who make me mad

My lateness you need to excuse, me waiting , you need to get your shit together

Contradicting Character – smh

When that Spirit convicts can I handle it

Evil going to church – “Ms. Niki got to do better”

No ones perfect correct, but if time is up for everyone’s BS, then the clock is out on my own as well

Mistakes learn from them, bullshit bury it

Evil and Hateful

I often write and address “The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and The Crazy” things and ways about myself

Yesterday I confessed to two other sides that appear Evil and Hateful, that mean area that appears where I can be dressing for Sunday School and my attitude and words reflect nothing of God.

Yesterday, I was confessing the Evil side and had to face the contradicting side as well.

Pastor said that’s The Holy Spirit convicting you, He’s not going to let you “ sit in that”

When I apologized and confessed to the kids this morning, they said “ Dang, Ma you roasted yourself!!”

No one is perfect, mistakes I will make them, staying the same is the test. Will I see my faults and aim to make them better or will I stay the same, contradicting in character?

Happy Thursday FB – “I will become what I talk about” on this journey I am work in progress with God, Good, Bad, Ugly, and Crazy, Who has sides that she wishes not to visit but Lord knows they are there.

Please know when that side appears it’s nothing I hide. She comes out very loud and full of “and what”. There is nothing sneaky or lying about this kid . This time when it appeared everything around me was like “Ms. Niki got to do better” – It’s really time for it to Come Out- Times Up!!

Times Up

Times Up

When surrounded by many who say things will never change and doubt speaks so much

I use MUCH of my time and energy to celebrate and appreciate ALL – past who got us this far; present- all things many take for granted but show how Blessed we are right now; All things “Evil and Ugly” that show the importance of how Work needs to continue and the fight is not over. Present – for all who speak and work now towards the Future.

When I truly learned the Power to speak and act pass the limits and harness EVERYTHING WITHIN to shift me further, I know no Dream is an illusion, and it’s up to me to make the ones I want to be “real a Reality”

May We Be Blessed to Live and Fulfill the ONLY 2 laws of God, Love Him with all our Heart, and Love thy neighbor.

I can testify for me, in all my faults and flaws, Living Life by these laws Daily to the best of my ability, has my actions and path aligned with things unfolding in my dreams and beyond.

2Morrow Is Our FUTURE unfolds every year deeper than what I had in mind. How I aimed to pursue this idea and what’s coming to fruition; put Change in God’s hand and live it in heart, And I promise Change and more is Real. But only when it’s in heart will you have the eyes and alignment to See it.

Speak only the things you want in life, build positive energy in soul and spirit, and the rest will follow to show. Only Spirit transformed changes the mind, and once Soul and Spirit is transformed to overrule and overrun mind will the rest follow. IT IS SO TIME TO BUILD SPIRITMAN 1st and all things will follow.

Trust, Faith, and Love – not pretending the days are easy or perfect but peace of mind and heart is WORTH IT –

Times Up on the BS from society and the “ish” we keep feeding to ourselves. Love God, Love thy neighbor – this is where all Justice starts. False prophets and fake churches are issues but fear of Truth and Change is what I see are the real problems.

Niki1k 1/7/2018 1:38 AM

12th Day of Christmas 2017

18 days remain in 2017 and I am proud to say this year held much Happiness, Growth and Greatness. And as the year closes, I experienced something a few days ago that made me ponder much, so today I write the final reflections of what I gained from Thursday- Wednesday.

In October, I branched out into a sector of employment I never considered professionally, in November, two pieces of my work was printed in the 5th Edition of “County Lines: A Literary Journal”, my kids are Happy, doing very well in school again and overall 2017 is closing as decent year.

However, Thursday surfaced some not so good run- ins that I have experienced in my past, and when I encounter run-ins such as these things, I allow them to bring out the worst in me. I was able to get help from my family to help smooth things over, and come showtime Friday, Everything on my end went perfect, even when a little fishy- ness came into play.

Whenever, I run into any obstacles with people, I wonder, am I really good person? where is this my fault? What could I have done to make this situation better? Or am I the author of chaos? I know I am truly a kind person UNTIL!!! Yet this Until, I have meet more times than I care too, especially in this particular “area”.

Thus, Friday’s situation upset me so much because I am so familiar with people lying and doing things out of spite towards me and not only does it hurt, but I am sick and tired of it? Like why is it so hard for people to just be honest and fair? Is it something in them that makes them feel that if they treat others well, they will die? And what is it with me and my fellow black women, that brings about this aura!!! As well as conflict in this “area”!!!

My dad witnessed the experience Friday, and the following morning he expressed two things to me “People hate to see other people do good” and “Niki you have to accept that some people will never give you the credit you deserve”. That same day I read an article in WebMD with Sharon Stone and she stated in the interview “People will find anything to have a reason to make you feel ‘less than.’ They don’t want you to pop up above the water level. But everybody should feel special and wonderful.”

During the evening on this same Saturday, a friend asked “what do I like academically, socially, professionally, philosophically?” as I expressed the reasons I believe I have yet to complete my goal of pursuing my masters. Some areas I had to ponder, however philosophically I could answer its’ the words of Ghandi ” Be the Change you want to see in the world”.

As have stated many times, I will never claim to be a perfect person, however I can say I am a really good person who strives to be better daily.

In most decisions I make and in most actions I take my mind questions such:

If God was to visit me right now what kind of Spirit would He tell me I possess, is it one of building or one of destroying?

Am I being as Fair as possible in every situation or does pride and ego control so much, I don’t bend for the bigger picture?

Do I seek to aggressively do good? Or am I doing just enough to get by?

Are my motives Pure?

I remember in the past a friend told me I was different, but I didn’t accept that too well when he expressed it to me. I became defensive and angry, and that conversation ended in silence because he did not want to argue. A few years later I apologized to Him and said “you are right, I am different but I couldn’t accept it when you told me back then!!”

Today on this 12th day of Christmas for 2017, I can celebrate my actions reflect my philosophy as I strive to live Ephesians 6:7 daily. While many have accused my kindness and thoughtfulness of having ulterior motives, I have to understand people will not always accept my kindness but be kind anyway. And stop allowing my other side to quickly respond in a manner that is just as bad as their treatment.

My gift I am giving on this 12th day of Christmas is a special me who aims to make everything and anyone she encounters special too.

Have a Blessed Holiday filled with Much Love, Peace, Soul, Happiness and Special- ness